Are You A Hypocrite?

by Irvine Nugent

“How to Spot When You’re a Hypocrite” by Elizabeth Bernstein (Wall Street Journal)

I’ll admit it — this article hit close to home.

There are moments when I’ve preached calm under pressure only to snap at the smallest frustration. I’ve reminded leaders that “people aren’t their mistakes,” yet caught myself silently judging someone else’s misstep. I’ve encouraged open dialogue about conflict — then found myself avoiding a tough conversation because I didn’t want the discomfort. And yes, I’ve led sessions on emotional regulation only to lose mine when technology failed five minutes before a keynote. Oh Irvine….you hypocrite!!!

Bernstein’s piece explores why we’re so good at noticing hypocrisy in others and so poor at recognizing it in ourselves. Psychologists call it a moral blind spot: we judge others harshly for their inconsistencies while quickly explaining away our own.

The examples she shares are both funny and uncomfortably relatable — the therapist who berates himself for doing exactly what he tells clients not to do, the parent who preaches sunscreen but skips it, or Kim Scott, the tech executive who wanted breakfast with her twins and forgot that her international colleagues had dinner with theirs.

The takeaway is refreshingly human: inconsistency isn’t always malicious — it’s often a byproduct of life’s complexity. What matters most is how we notice it, own it, and grow from it.

Why Is This Important?

From an emotional intelligence perspective, recognizing our own hypocrisy is an act of self-awareness and humility. It takes courage to admit when our actions don’t match our intentions — especially in leadership, where we feel pressure to model consistency.

When we ignore those inconsistencies, we create small cracks in trust. People start to question not just our choices, but our integrity. But when we acknowledge them — “You’re right, that was inconsistent of me” — we model emotional maturity.

Conflict often arises when we perceive hypocrisy in others (“You said one thing and did another!”). EQ invites us to pause before we pounce, to recognize that we too can act out of alignment under stress or shifting circumstances. By applying empathy and curiosity, we shift from accusation to understanding — from blame to dialogue.

How Can I Use This?

1. Start with the Mirror.
   This week, notice moments where your behavior doesn’t quite line up with your values. Don’t judge — just observe. Awareness is the first step toward alignment.

2. Transform Discomfort into Insight.
   When you feel the sting of hypocrisy — your own or someone else’s — pause and ask, “What’s driving this?” Sometimes inconsistency reveals competing values or unspoken pressure. That insight can guide better choices.

3. Own It and Repair It.
   If you realize you’ve acted inconsistently, name it out loud. “I realize I said X and did Y.” That simple honesty can defuse tension and build credibility faster than any excuse.

4. Encourage Candor in Your Circle.
   Invite trusted colleagues or family to call you out — kindly — when they see gaps between what you say and do. Thank them for their honesty. Feedback is a mirror for growth, not a weapon.

Our hypocrisies don’t make us frauds — they make us human. What defines us isn’t whether we’re consistent every moment, but whether we’re willing to reflect, repair, and realign.

Emotional intelligence begins with the courage to see ourselves clearly — even when it’s uncomfortable.