Want to Expand Your Empathy? Widen Your Circle

by Irvine Nugent

When I released my book Leadership Lessons From The Pub, one of the first questions people asked me was, “What does a pub have to do with leadership?” To answer that, you have to understand that a pub is far more than just a place to grab a drink—it’s a symbol of community, connection, and belonging.

Growing up, my father used to say, “I’m not in the business of selling drinks; I’m offering a home where everyone is welcome.” That sentiment stuck with me. The pub he ran wasn’t just a business—it was a haven. It was a place where neighbors and strangers alike could gather, share stories, and just be themselves. It was a space where people felt safe enough to be vulnerable, where acceptance wasn’t conditional on status, background, or perfection. Warts and all, everyone had a seat at the table.

What struck me most was how naturally people welcomed others into that space. When someone new walked into the pub, it didn’t take long before someone struck up a conversation, asking their name, where they were from, or what brought them in. Sure, that level of curiosity might make some people uncomfortable—but it came from a genuine place. It was never about interrogation. It was about inclusion.

And this, I believe, is one of the most important—yet overlooked—lessons in leadership: real empathy begins when we widen our circle.

There’s solid research to support this. Studies have shown that the broader and more diverse our social circles are, the stronger our capacity for empathy becomes. That makes intuitive sense—empathy, after all, is the ability to put ourselves in someone else’s shoes. But it’s hard to do that if we never encounter people with different stories, different struggles, or different perspectives.

I grew up in Northern Ireland during the height of The Troubles. It was a time when division wasn’t just political—it was personal. Communities became closed off, and conversations only happened within echo chambers. We only engaged with people who looked like us, thought like us, and believed what we believed. Empathy didn’t stand a chance in that environment.

Unfortunately, I see some of those same patterns playing out in the U.S. today. Civil discourse has deteriorated. Many people are pulling back into increasingly narrow communities—both in real life and online—where opposing views aren’t just questioned, but condemned. The result? Our ability to empathize is fading. We see others not as fellow humans, but as threats or strangers.

This is not just a social problem—it’s a leadership problem. Leaders must lead with empathy. They must have the courage to listen before judging, to understand before reacting. And they must create spaces—like the pub—where people feel safe enough to be real. Where diversity of thought and experience is not just tolerated but embraced.

Over the years, my work has brought me into contact with all kinds of people—from CEOs to frontline workers, from activists to veterans. And you know what I’ve found? Strip away the surface, and you’ll find that we’re all more alike than we are different. We all carry dreams, fears, passions, and pain. That shared humanity is the foundation of empathy.

So if you're looking to expand your empathy—whether as a person or as a leader—start by widening your circle. Invite someone new into your “pub.” Ask questions. Listen deeply. Be curious. Because the more people we truly see, the more our hearts begin to understand.

Empathy isn’t a switch to flip. It’s a muscle to build. And like any muscle, it grows with use—and with community.