Managing Conflict Inside Mission-Driven Organizations
Podcast Interview on Nonprofit Nerd: Impact Unleashed with Jarrett Ransom
In this episode of Nonprofit Nerd: Impact Unleashed, Dr. Irvine Nugent joins host Jarrett Ransom for a practical, candid conversation about conflict inside mission-driven organizations.
Drawing on his experience as a former nonprofit CEO, researcher in nonprofit management, and founder of Conflict EQ™, Irvine reframes conflict not as dysfunction—but as friction between diverse perspectives. In high-stress nonprofit environments where funding pressure, capacity strain, and mission urgency collide, conflict is inevitable.
The real issue isn’t whether conflict shows up.
It’s whether leaders have the capacity to stay grounded and curious when it does.
Episode Summary
Nonprofit leaders often avoid difficult conversations out of fear—fear of damaging relationships, increasing turnover, or creating emotional fallout. But as Irvine explains in this conversation, avoidance does not eliminate tension. It simply relocates it.
When conflict conversations don’t happen at the leadership table, they happen in side texts, private Slack messages, hallway conversations, and disengagement.
This episode explores:
Why conflict is a normal function of diverse teams
How emotional intelligence determines whether tension escalates or strengthens trust
What healthy conflict actually looks like in nonprofit organizations
A real-world leadership example of moving from avoidance to courageous dialogue
A simple practical step leaders can implement immediately
Key Takeaways
Conflict is not a leadership failure—it is a leadership condition.
Avoidance erodes trust more quietly than confrontation.
Emotional regulation is the foundation of productive dialogue.
Healthy conflict conversations are timely, respectful, and curious.
Capacity under pressure—not personality—determines outcomes.
Featured Conversation Highlights
Why do nonprofit leaders avoid conflict?
Many leaders equate conflict with harm. Particularly in mission-driven organizations where relationships matter deeply, leaders fear that difficult conversations will damage trust or cause team members to leave.
But as Irvine explains, conflict is simply the friction created by diverse perspectives. When leaders delay conversations, tension compounds. It shows up as burnout, resistance, disengagement, and side-channel communication.
Avoidance doesn’t protect relationships.
It slowly weakens them.
What is healthy conflict in a nonprofit team?
Healthy conflict is not loud or aggressive. It is:
Timely rather than delayed
Clear and respectful
Grounded in curiosity
Focused on understanding before resolution
Sometimes unhealthy conflict appears as excessive politeness—teams internally know certain topics are “off limits.” Healthy teams, by contrast, create safety to surface tension before it calcifies.
Curiosity is the turning point.
How does emotional intelligence impact conflict?
Emotional intelligence is not about fixing the other person.
It is about regulating yourself first.
In moments of tension, leaders often move into automatic defensiveness. Tone shifts. Shoulders tighten. Conversations stall.
Emotionally intelligent leaders notice these signals in real time. They pause. They breathe. They choose response over reaction.
This internal regulation preserves the conversation.
Conflict capacity begins with self-awareness.
Frequently Asked Questions
What is “healthy conflict” in a nonprofit organization?
Healthy conflict is respectful, timely dialogue about real differences—priorities, values, risks, strategy, or decisions. It isn’t aggression. It’s the ability to talk about what matters without shutting down, getting personal, or moving the conversation underground. Healthy conflict builds clarity, trust, and follow-through when teams can stay grounded and curious under pressure.
What does unhealthy conflict look like if it’s not “loud”?
Unhealthy conflict is often quiet. It can look like:
Over-politeness and “we don’t go there” norms
Avoiding hard topics in meetings
Side conversations, private texts, or Slack backchannels
Passive resistance, missed deadlines, or “going through the motions”
People leaving without naming what was wrong
If the conversation isn’t happening at the table, it’s still happening—just somewhere less healthy.
Why do high-performing nonprofit leaders avoid conflict?
Many high-performing leaders avoid conflict because they care deeply about relationships and mission alignment. They often fear:
hurting someone
creating turnover
being seen as “not nice”
making things worse
triggering emotion they can’t control
Avoidance isn’t a character flaw—it’s a protective strategy. The problem is that the cost compounds over time: clarity drops, resentment rises, and trust slowly erodes.
How do you start a conflict conversation without making it worse?
Start smaller and lead with curiosity. You can open with:
“Can we talk about something I’ve been noticing? I want to understand your perspective.”
“I may be missing something—can you help me see how you’re thinking about this?”
“I’d like to name a tension and get curious about it with you.”
The goal at first is clarity, not resolution. Most conflict escalates when people jump to conclusions without understanding.
What’s the difference between conflict resolution and conflict capacity?
Conflict resolution focuses on solving the issue.
Conflict capacity focuses on staying grounded and constructive while the issue is being discussed.
In real teams, you don’t always get immediate resolution. But you can always build the capacity to:
regulate emotion
stay present
communicate clearly
repair quickly
keep trust intact
That capacity is what prevents conflict from turning destructive.
What is Conflict EQ™ in simple terms?
Conflict EQ™ is the ability to stay grounded, clear, and constructive when tension rises. It’s the practical application of emotional intelligence in real conversations—especially when stakes are high, emotions are present, and perspectives differ.
It’s not about being fearless.
It’s about being capable under pressure.
How does emotional intelligence help during conflict?
Emotional intelligence helps leaders recognize what’s happening internally before it spills outward. In conflict, most people go into automatic:
defensiveness
withdrawal
sharp tone
over-explaining
appeasing
blaming
EQ helps you notice those signals early (tight chest, heat in your face, racing thoughts) and choose a response that protects the relationship and the work.
What should leaders do when they feel defensive in a meeting?
Defensiveness is a normal threat response. The key is to notice it and create space. Try:
a slow breath before responding
asking a clarifying question instead of reacting
naming process: “I want to answer well—give me a second.”
reflecting back what you heard: “Let me make sure I’m hearing you…”
Those micro-moves keep the conversation from collapsing into tone, tension, or silence.
How do you rebuild trust after conflict has gone badly?
Trust rebuilds through clarity and repair, not through pretending it didn’t happen. Steps that help:
Name what happened (without blame)
Acknowledge impact (“I can see how that landed.”)
Own your part (“Here’s what I contributed.”)
Reset agreements (“How do we want to handle this next time?”)
Follow through consistently
Repair is a skill. Teams get stronger when repair becomes normal.
What causes “backchannel conflict” on nonprofit teams?
Backchannel conflict happens when people don’t feel safe to say things directly—or when leaders unintentionally signal that tension is unwelcome. In modern workplaces it shows up as:
side texts during Zoom
private Slack messages
after-meeting debriefs
informal alliances
Backchannels are usually a symptom of missing clarity and low psychological safety around disagreement.
How can nonprofit leaders reduce turnover related to conflict?
Turnover tied to conflict is often caused by avoidance, not the conflict itself. Leaders reduce it by:
addressing tensions earlier
creating norms for respectful disagreement
coaching managers in difficult conversations
reducing “surprise feedback”
reinforcing that conflict is allowed—disrespect is not
When people believe issues will be handled fairly, they’re less likely to exit quietly.
What does it mean to “lead with curiosity” in conflict?
Leading with curiosity means treating a tense situation like a learning conversation rather than a courtroom. It sounds like:
“Help me understand what matters most to you here.”
“What am I missing?”
“What information are you using to reach that conclusion?”
“What would a good outcome look like for you?”
Curiosity lowers threat and increases clarity—the two ingredients conflict needs most.
How do you know if your nonprofit has a conflict capacity problem?
Signs include:
people avoiding direct conversations
repeated issues with no resolution
meetings that feel “polite but stuck”
leaders doing emotional cleanup after meetings
HR or the ED constantly mediating interpersonal problems
high burnout, cynicism, or quiet quitting
resignations with vague explanations (“It just wasn’t a fit.”)
If tension is frequent but truth is rare, capacity is the issue.
What’s one practical step a leader can take this week?
Choose one small conversation you’ve been avoiding and approach it with curiosity. You’re not trying to fix everything. You’re interrupting the avoidance pattern and building momentum toward clarity.
Start with:
“Can we talk about something I’ve been noticing? I want to understand your perspective.”
How can we practice healthy conflict as a leadership team?
Use simple team agreements like:
“We name tension early.”
“We ask before we assume.”
“We challenge ideas without attacking people.”
“We repair quickly when we miss.”
“If it’s not said in the room, it shouldn’t be said outside the room.”
Then practice with low-stakes topics first—capacity builds over reps.